Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I have THE solution for the economy

The fact is, I didn't come up with the solution. Others have websites devoted to implementing it.

But it so obtainable. The answer is right in front of our eyes. It makes so much sense I want to dropkick a Furby.

It has been brought up from time to time. Some major companies dabbled with it during the gas price crisis of 2008 (remember that?). A school district in Florida has it up for a vote. One entire state has experimented with it.

It doesn't just fix the economy, it fixes EVERYTHING.
(slogan the sole property of kendall)

C'mon, people. This makes sense. All the productivity, all the consumer spending, 20% less utility cost to businesses, 20% less commuter pollution, 50% more days with the family, 50% more days to spend at the mall.

Imagine. Instead of rushing kids to after school activities in the 3 hours between school and bed, you could do all that stuff on Fridays.

Wednesday wouldn't be hump-day. We wouldn't need it. I don't even think we'd complain about Monday if we only have three more days to the weekend. We probably wouldn't ever complain about anything ever in this new 4DWW eutopia.

There is no downside. NONE. Point out the flaws. I dare ya.

Point out the downside. I dare you.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Lame Ripoff

I have been convinced for years that THEY are monitoring my thoughts and using all the great ideas I never have the resources to set in motion. It normally hasn't bothered me because, again, I didn't have the resources to pull it off anyhow.
The ideas are always nearly identical to mine and are always successful. So I take it as affirmation of my ability to be a fabulously wealthy entrepreneur at some point. It's that first million that is holding me back. Once I have that, the sky is the limit.

BUT THIS ONE ANNOYS ME. It doesn't annoy me because I was ready to make money off of it. I didn't even ever plan to make money off this one. This one was for me and my friends. If any of you have ever had the chance to darken the lanes of a bowling alley in my company, you have probably had the honor and privilege of participating in the greatness that is Kendall Bowling. What the name lacks in panache, the game more than makes up for in unnecessary intricacy and arbitrary rules. Without getting into such minutia I will say this; the basic premise is to get the highest score possible without getting a strike or spare (either of which will eliminate you from the game) or a gutter ball (which subtracts points from your score). It is not as easy as it sounds. Most rounds end with only one person NOT knocking down all the pins.

Nobody has ever not had a blast playing this game. And with good reason, it is brilliant.

But now, the corporate big wigs are trying to profit from it. And like corporate big wigs always do, they have dumbed it down and sucked all the brilliance out of it for their own gain. GutterBowling IS NOT great. It is lame. It is sold as something that requires no skill. It lies. a skilled bowler can win this game every time. They just turned it into (with all due respect) white trash golf. Where's the chance? Where's the capreciousness? WHERE'S THE KENDALLNESS?


Monday, February 9, 2009


Apparently one of our SBA executives had an idea to have sporks instead of spoons AND forks in the student lounge. And the reason given was to possibly save money while continuing to meet the needs of the students.

ALRIGHT, LISTEN. This is not logical. If I need a utensil, I need a utensil. Rarely, if ever, does anyone use both a spoon and a fork at the same time (unless it is a soup and salad meal). Therefore, they will be getting a spoon or fork or spork. The same amount of utensils will be used. The only way this plan works to save money is the rare occasion someone is eating soup and salad. But the frustration of trying to get a proper amount of ruffage on those tiny little prongs of a spork and likewise having the soup leak through the same useless prongs will lead to nobody using any utensils. As a slob of an individual with little regard to manners and etiquette, I have no problem with this idea. SBA, all the way.