Friday, June 27, 2008

One ticket to hell, please.

I just registered for PC. That is Practice Court for those not familiar with Baylor Law and Hell for those that are. I am have been excited about it since I enrolled for law school. But clicking that button to make it real caused me to hesitate ever so slightly. Seriously. I thought for more than a second about not sending the request to be beaten into a better lawyer. But, like I mentioned with E on the bus to camp, sometimes the best thing is scary. The difference is she is out having a blast in the hills and lakes of Missouri while misery is all that awaits me. Ya like that little play on words there, did ya?

Six-Word Memoirs

Hey, ABW, remember when we got on haiku kicks? Well Osler has Haiku Fridays, so I don't need that from you any more. For some reason, this morning, it reminded me of this amazing experiment inspired by Hemingway. I heard about it on my second best source of all my best pop-culture information, Public Radio (Nobody can beat ABW at that game). WARNING. Don't click on the link unless you have at least a quarter-hour to kill.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh.

Two posts in one day. Could be the total lack of sleep. Could be all my new nosy readers.
I took E to Dallas at 4 in the morning to get on the bus to camp with a k. She has been excited since Cat started talking to her about it in the womb. At 7, she is one of the youngest to go. her excitement was still in full force when we showed up at North Park Mall with all the other rich, white people to ship her off to THE Christian sports camp (endorsed by james dobson!). I am sleep deprived and any sarcasm is completely based on that. I am actually exstatic that we can afford to send her and that she will have an amazing experience. I know she will grow in so many ways in these 12 days.
Back to the story if there is one. We arrived and signed in. She got on the bus alone. One minute later she slumped off the bus in tears. Excitement and enthusiasm were replaced with fear and insecurity. It lasted about 20 minutes, until she felt really secure with the grandeur of it all. then it was back to the incredible, outgoing, confident girl she is.
Isn't it that way a lot. We think we are ready. We think we want something big. We prepare for the amazing. But it doesn't meet expectations. It is bigger, scarier, different. Instincts tell us to run to comfort. And it isn't a bad thing to hesitate - just so long as we eventually get back on the bus and let it take us to bigger things.

Restriction is the Mother of Creativity

When Cat was at UHLaw, the SBA (if I remember correctly) would sponsor something with a legal pun name where they served beer on campus for free. That is a no go at Baylor. But the SBA does spend money on us. We get free breakfast and lunch during finals. And we have Immunity Day. Now I don't know if other schools do this, but I love the concept. On Monday and Tuesday there is a table set up where you can "buy" immunity. You donate the specified amount set by each professor to be immune from being called on in class on Immunity Day (or another day if the class happens to not meet on Thursdays). All the money goes to charity. Not-so-coincidentally, SBA also sponsors an off-campus party on the night before Immunity Day. That is tonight at my favorite bar, Treff's. This is my fifth quarter but will be my first time to attend the Immunity Day Eve party. I may or may not report the goings on.

side note - another example of how insane Practice Court is; the price for one day of immunity for the first quarter is $30 - and most people pay it.

Monday, June 23, 2008


George Carlin is dead. I wasn't the biggest fan of the final products, but appreciated the depth of his work. Instead of recalling, a bit of wordsmithery from my own life.

On my way back from Beaumont Sunday, I saw a sign at a church that read,
I passed by leaving the void.

Then, less than an hour I saw a sign reading,
I stopped and got a burger. My void was filled.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

M. Night

I begin with full disclosure - I really dig M. Night. I like all of his movies. I just saw The Happening. And liked it - for the most part (more on that later). I think people are way too hard on him or don't know what to expect. The worst thing that he did was start with 6th Sense. It would have been like Hitchcock starting with Psycho. Seriously. A shock ending like that is so rare. He will never have another one, especially as long as people are looking. Hitchock built up to Psycho. The point of his movies wasn't to have a twist. It was to keep the audience in suspense for 90 minutes. And he succeeded. Even freakin' Birds is suspenseful as we worry if the stars will survive the killer crows. Is that any less believable than plotting plants? If everyone would go into M. Night movies with managed expectations, his movies would be better respected. Maybe we don't need another Hitchcock. Maybe all we need is more Asian baby screams. But I like a good ol' suspense movie. And I think M. Night does them well.
Now as for The Happening - The first 3 minutes, very solid. The next 25 was like he was trying to do something stylistic like make it look like a 12 year old directing his middle school friends all with middle school talent (seriously? a squirting head wound? and the tiger footage? c'mon, M). But then it gets good. It is a classic story of outrunning the doom. And with some good frights built in. Walberg settles into his role (or the audience finally buys into it). The story takes some interesting small twists. There's a creepy old lady which is always suspenseful. I give it a B-. And believe me, after 4 quarters at Baylor Law, I know a B- when I see one.

Friday, June 6, 2008

A the risk of getting a HUGE "I told you so" from Catherine, I must disclose and warn. I am a Monday-Friday Bachelor now. I don't cook. Without a plan, I would eat EVERY meal at a fast food restaurant. So, I took Dan Marino's advice, Dan NEVER WON A SUPERBOWL Marino. I signed up for Nutrisystems.

This food is gross. And I have a month's supply.

My thought was that it would give me food to eat and I wouldn't have to go to the store or think about it. And, maybe, I'd loose a few pounds. I may as well have ordered some multivitamins and chalk.
I tried pretending I was an astronaut and that these were my space meals. Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck made it look so easy. But I would trade places with Bruce on that asteroid before eating just this for another day. So now to stomach it, I eat it until dinner and then eat something normal.
If you are thinking about Nutrisystems, just do yourself a favor and kill yourself, or at least have your tastebuds removed.

Who in the world ever heard of beans in lasagna. But other than seeing the beans, the taste is similar to bad lasagna. I guess that is better than ____________.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Who needs the FRCP, I'm headed to the hoosegow

There are an infinite set of complex rules that a person must follow in order to properly file a lawsuit in federal court, federal rules of civil procedure (frcp). They are THE rules for lawsuits. Anybody who thinks there are people just filing suits left and right doesn't realize the limitations that keep those suits from even getting in the door, at least at the federal level. As a learning, want-to-be, lawyer, these rules are just below the bible and the constitution as far as required reading. And tey are insanely complicated. Many a young lawyer (and sometimes even experienced ones) screw up early in the process.
There is only one group of people who don't have to meet this requirement, prisoners. The Supreme Court has held that so long as it is understandable what they are trying to claim, the courts will fill in the blanks.
This has led me to a difficult decision, but I only see one option. I AM GOING TO JAIL! That's right. As a pro se prisoner plaintiff, I don't have to worry about the frcp. I also don't have to take the bar. And with that out of the way, I will be free to sue the pants off any and every person and company on the planet and beyond, like this guy. You are welcome to join me. These court dockets aren't going to jam themselves up...
And if you aren't up for life behind bars, I am also taking suggestions on the best way to get put behind bars. Looking for a long sentence at a minimum security federal pen. And, if possible, one that can be repealed once one of my suits hits the jackpot.
It's good to finally have a plan.